Posted 3 hours ago

Just so we’re clear

Yes I am a whole person, by myself , again. But what you don’t know and probably wont ever know or understand…
For months after I poured two cups of coffee in the morning instead of just mine. It was a habit I couldn’t break. I drank one, mine, and the other grew cold. Dash of milk, three sugars.
For months I lay awake wrapped in my blankets at night, on the couch because I couldn’t bear sleeping alone with my thoughts upstairs.
Still haven’t managed to move back in to the bedroom. I have horrible dreams there.
For months I couldn’t be left alone with my own thoughts. So I boxed them up and turned off.
Yes it was that bad. No I won’t ever speak of most of it, or I’d have to relive it.
So allowing myself to feel anything at all now is terrifying. But I do it in small increments. Baby steps I suppose.
So please understand…
I’m trying. I hope that is enough.

Posted 3 hours ago
Posted 3 hours ago
Courage isn’t having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don’t have strength.
Napoleon  (via the-heart-of-the-lion)

(Source: hqlines)

Posted 3 hours ago
Posted 12 hours ago

Another rambling conversation

I’m not sure how many of you have had any major surgery or trauma
But you know how even after you’ve done all the physical therapy and you’ve got nothing left but a scar?
That spot still stays tender, still a little stiff at times, as if your body remembers what it felt like to have this or that in a certain arrangement and now it’s ALL different. Maybe something is repaired or maybe something is completely gone now.
And when you go through something major it’s like you can’t trust your own body because it betrayed you.
You question every twinge, every pull hoping that everything is okay and yes this is normal, and okay.
That’s what it’s like when you have been broken. When you’re best friend or lover ( sometimes that’s the same person which is so much worse) betrays you.
You don’t trust that every inadvertently done thing isn’t leading up to that again. You certainly don’t trust your own gut instincts because obviously they have been wrong before.
And it isn’t something you can help doing. It is how you are now.
So yes, you can be healed, but the scar remains. You’re not the same. You probably never will be.
All you can do is beg forgiveness from those close to you. Hope they understand why some days it’s hard to
Even be sane. Why some days you are a confused mess about everything.
And when you are not okay, hopefully they just hold you. Tell you it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.

Posted 1 day ago


Dog rescuing a cat from a flood in Bosnia

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago


The ocean is inside of this opal.

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago